it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
