I skipped work to stalk him.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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