I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
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I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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