I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
