i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
