They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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