I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
