Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
