So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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