Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
