She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
