So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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