I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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