Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
