ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
