i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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