I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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