He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize
