plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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