Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
