It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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