So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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