You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize