i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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