If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
false alarm, still single
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
