you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
