I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
