Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
