i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
