And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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