i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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