ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
