great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize