why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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