he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
