Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got inside last night via doggy door
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
