you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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