Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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