Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
