My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize