I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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