I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
