Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
