don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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