You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
