with your own penis?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
