He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
