she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
