Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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