They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
