there's paper in my vomit.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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