I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize