Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I AM VODKA MAN
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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