I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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