Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
