Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When did angry sex become our thing?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
