Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
