so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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