Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you will always have a special place in my vag
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
40s are totally the cure
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
