My first STD was from a foam party
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im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
