So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
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Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize