Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
