He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
