cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
