last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
