Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
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she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
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I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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