four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
